The book and movie that got me to write again

Well. Long time, no see.

School started. That should be explanation enough, right? I have both a rewarding and challenging schedule this year, and I…basically stopped reading. I got stuck in both audiobook and novel form of books that I was enjoying over the summer. I did read a book for work though, sort of buddy-reading with a student of mine, and I just threw my hands up and am putting those other books aside in favor of an eARC of Emily Austin’s new novel. This is the magic recipe.

Emily Austin’s new book, Is This a Cry for Help?, is about a lesbian who is returning to her job at a library after she took a two month leave following a mental breakdown over her ex-boyfriend dying, only to encounter the culture wars surrounding libraries. It’s written in her usual, deceptively plain and raw style with humor.

It is, in other words, a perfect book for me.

The style of writing is also one that inspired me in the first place to start a novel last year, when I read her last novel We Could Be Rats. There’s just something about it that helps me get into the mind of a queer person with mental health issues, aka the type of protagonist I usually write. And then once I’ve got a draft, I can refine it and make it my own.

Anyway, that is part of the reason I’m writing again, but not the whole: the main kickstart was finally watching I Saw the TV Glow, and that unlocked a whole new dimension to this story.

There’s much to say about the film, and I went into it having read Emily St. James’ rundown of why it’s a trans allegory. So I knew the ending, the there is still time (which I actually missed the first time I watched it due to attempting to multitask), the lore. This probably helped me understand it more the first time I watched it, but it didn’t prevent the movie from slowly sinking its claws into my chest.

In fact, I waited to publish this newsletter until I’d watched it again, which I did virtually with a good friend from college. I picked up on some details I’d missed the first time.

Earlier this year I made the perhaps unwise decision to watch Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me and remembered how much Lynchian dream-logic influences me, as it did Jane Schoenbrun. (It also haunted me…if you like the lighter humor antics of Twin Peaks, you won’t get this in the movie!!) So perhaps that is a dimension I can add more to my writing, as I have been playing around with before.

There is still time.

I’ve had some health stuff going on lately. I think I am taking some good steps after struggling for a while. I’m making steps in separating my work and personal life that should help me stay sane. And the nights are getting longer and colder—it’s just the perfect time to write and drink up some inspiration like these two stories.

I’m also, honestly, in a bit of a rough patch since I started writing this newsletter. I had a really hard week when my fiancée was away. I’m trying to not make any drastic, life-altering decisions. I’m playing the long game, and that’s okay.

There is still time.

Olivia.

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